#possibly the stupidest thing i've written

[dreamcrow]

double shot, over ice

(unrated/non-explicit; 1320 words) for the @arcaneorderweek prompt: memories

She tries not to worry too hard about the powdered creamer, as she rifles through the cabinet. At least the whole "being older than crop domestication" thing means he probably won't have stuck-up opinions about the beans.

[ » continue reading on ao3 ]

and if you enjoy, perhaps consider a reblog? 💖

[running-in-the-dark]

I'm so tired I want to just go into the woods and hope a wild boar sees me as a threat and kills me

[larkandkatydid]

"No live organism can continue to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream..."

Book Recs: The Gothic After Shirley Jackson

Peter Straub, Ghost Story: One of the great horror novles about misogyny that is also misogynistic. But, I will say in the 30 or so years that this book has been in my life, I've come to see it as smarter and more interesting with its unreliable protagonists than I had previously thought. And this is partially the skill of the writer unfolding for me as I mature, but I cannot help but think that Current Events make it impossible to not see the Chowder Society as an allegory for the U.S. Supreme Court

Rene Depestre, Hadriana In All My Dreams: A gorgeous, richly written zombie story but I also think a very early exploration of the ideas you find in a lot of feminist horror critiques. What if the beauitful dead girl wants to be something other than beautiful and pure and perfect and dead?

Susannah Clark, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrel: The hype over this book when it came out was so intense that I think I undervalued it at first because it could not possibly have lived up to that hype. But it truly is excellent.

Tananarive Due, The Good House: This book is such a perfect iteration of the Steven Speilberg/Stephen King style of normal family in peril. Due's latest book, The Reformatory has won so many horror awards this year and it also a wonderful new version of books about the children fighting evil. There's so much heart and warmth in all her books, even when awful things happen.

Helen Oyeyemi, White is for Witching: A austere, Jackon-esque haunted house book that also reminds me a lot of Sarah Waters' The Little Stranger. It's very much rooted in the conservative, nightmarish era of the 1980s, which makes it now relevant for today.

Jeanette Ng, Under the Pendulum Sun: This book about Victorian missionaries in the fairy realm ends up on so many of my recomendation lists. If Under the Pendulum Sun has one fan, and it might, that fan is me. But I remain ever hopeful that I will be able to persuade enough of the reading public that it gets a sequel.

Afia Atakora, Conjure Women: A book that is riffing on both Jane Eyre and The Beguiled and, most of all, digging in the rich gothic soil of "how do we live together after betraying each other to survive?"

Olga Tokarczuk, Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead: What else can be said about this book? It's an ecofeminist Hannibal episode in the most complimentary way possible. It's probably insulting to put Tokarczuk on a list with such goofy books, but she's having fun here.

Emma Rous, The Au Pair: This is the stupidest book on this list. It is possibly one of the stupidest books ever written, something I say with profound love and admiration. Nothing that happens in this book makes emotional or medical sense, and yet, it's a fucking blast.

[tc-doherty]

TC's Practical Writing Tips for 2025

I am back again! I've said it before and I will say it again now, I'm not coming here to pretend that I can tell you how to use the English language to write a book. That's not my jam.

However I've been writing for over 25 years, and I've written nearly 3.5 million words since 2009 (alas, I did not keep track before then). Whether people like my style or not, my output is undeniable, and I'm sharing the tips that I live by when it comes to the act of writing.

#1 - The Number One Most Important Rule is: write it now, fix it later

The job of any piece of writing, up until the point you decide it's done, is not to be good. It's only job is to exist. You can always fix it later.

#2 - The Second Most Important Rule is: don't let yourself get hung up in the ~mythology~ of being a writer

Writing is art, undeniable. Writing is cool, undeniable. Writing is also just A Thing That You Can Do. It's a physical act. Sometimes you need to pay attention to the part of writing that is just A Thing You Can Do. Being able to disentangle yourself from the IDEA of writing when you need to is a very useful skill.

#3 - It is always permissible – and usually enjoyable – to write the stupidest possible version (see rule #1)

Free yourself from the mindset that the writing must be good. Sometimes you just need to get the words out. Label a draft 'the stupid version' and go ham.

#4 - "Inspiration" is great for poets, but only a bonus for people who write prose (See rules #1 and #2)

If you want to write often, you need to write often. You will find that you don't need to be "inspired" because you've made a habit of it, and it will come naturally. Even one sentence a day is still one sentence a day. One sentence a week is still one sentence a week. It doesn't matter how slowly you go as long as you don't stop Believing in the concept that you need to be inspired to write will trap you into believing in the concept of writer's block If you are having difficulty getting words out that satisfy you, lower your standards and keep writing (see rule #1)

#5 - A few months down the line you will not remember which words came easily and which words did not (see rules #1 and #3)

#6 - Read widely and often, both in your favorite genres and outside of them

You cannot become a good author if you don't read. Pay special attention to things that you love and things that you hate, it will make your writing stronger.

#7 - At a certain point, you MUST write, not just think about writing

You won't get better if you don't practice.

#8 - Never write for the lowest common denominator

Via wise words I once heard: "if you open the window and make love to the world, your story will get pneumonia". Write your work the way you want to write it, and the people who will appreciate it will find it.

#9 - Never write for the bad-faith critic

There will always be people who engage in bad faith, and those people do not matter to you. You will need to learn how to deal with critique, and bad-faith critique, but you cannot live in fear of people like that.

#10- Find the joy in the ACT of writing

It is totally fine and normal to want engagement and praise! However you need to find a way to make the praise the cherry on top, not the entire sundae. Writing is hard work, and it's a lot of work, and it's a lot of work that goes unnoticed. If you lose the ability to enjoy the journey and are proceeding only for external rewards from others, you will gradually write less and less if the ratio of work to rewards is unsatisfying.

#11 - New draft? New document.

For anything other than final copy editing, it's almost always helpful to start in a new document. Any change you make will invariably snowball, and if you're trying to edit within the frame of words you've already written, it will trap you from being able to make large sweeping changes that those snowballs might suggest (or demand)

#12 - Listen when people tell you that something doesn't work for them

Sometimes an outsider can see things that you would miss by being too close, it can be a helpful perspective.

#13 - You are not obligated to listen when people try to tell you HOW to fix it

You are the author, not them. It may not even need to be fixed.

#14 - It is always morally correct to look at critique that you received, even if you asked for it, and decide that it's bullshit and doesn't apply to you (see rule #13)

#15 - "Write what you know" means "write what you're interested in"

You'll learn a lot of new things while you're researching what you're interested in! You will also have a lot of fun putting the things that you love into your work just because you love them.

#16 - "Show don't tell" applies to screenwriting, not novels.

The phrase show don't tell applies to showing the audience in a visual media. Novels are not visual media. They do require a lot of telling. Not all telling, but a lot of it. Both showing and telling are important to novels, but the things that you show are more relevant. The tightrope to walk as an author is "this meeting could have been an email". What does the audience actually have to know (be present at the scene for) versus what can be summarized or relayed through dialogue? Your mileage may vary on which percentage of each works best for you.

#17 - It is always, ALWAYS acceptable to use "said"

Said is invisible. Said is the nail upon which the picture is hung. People will not notice said. People will not get tired of the word said. Using the word said most of the time allows you to really emphasize the times when you don't use the word said. (Also applies to "asked")

#18 - Become comfortable with who you are

Your work is always going to be yours and it's always going to sound like you wrote it, and that is a good thing! That's the best thing! No one else is ever going to write exactly like you, and you should be proud of what you bring to the table as yourself. Of course keep striving to reach new heights and keep improving, but you're never going to outrun your own voice and experiences. Embrace them!

#19- Keep track of your word count in a way that makes sense to you

Some days will be easy. Some days will be hard. On the days when it's hard, it's very helpful to be able to look back and see how far you've come. It helps you remember again that some days will be easy. (see rule #5)

The best thing that you can do is to find the things that you need in order to write at the level of productivity you want to achieve, and find easy ways to wrap them into your own life. Spend some time soul-searching if you need to. You will gradually acquire your own list of tips to live by!

I hope everyone who reads this has a wonderful 2025 and that you all accomplish what you would like to accomplish. I'll be rooting for you!

[nanistar]

My current tawnycrow mood is that "this is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever seen. But it's so funny that it gets a pass. Just this once"

Like I'm not gonna pretend it's well written. At all. But I'm kinda into it for the "this is a Trainwreck in the funniest way possible" kinda way y'know

i strongly agree. its so dumb its funny

[quiiettreason]

𖤓 𝓓awn & 𝓓evastation

━━━  part 002. mirrorball

masterlist

summary — Nikolai Lantsov saves his savior from a hungry kelpie and interrogates her

word count: 2.7k words

warnings — fem!oc ( i know, i’m sorry), mentions of cruelty toward women and faeries, discussion and descriptions of war, and nikolai being a little shit.

good shit — the actual start of enemies to lovers (except it’s just eulalie being a bitch) and fae lore (and lore about Ravka that I made up).

anna’s annotations — maybe i went a little overboard with sturmhond but whatever. i had a lot of fun writing this.

It was not every day that a man got saved, stepped on, and threatened by the same girl in twenty minutes.

And now, Nikolai felt like a fool watching his savior (future killer, perhaps?) get dragged to a very unfortunate death. Blood colored the waves and turned the seafoam a gruesome shade of salmon. He would have met an early and very watery grave if it weren't for her, and Nikolai would be a liar if he weren't at least a little intrigued by her.

Swiftly, he threw off his sopping, teal frock coat and stumbled into the shallows after the strange girl. His heart thumped rapidly in his chest. It had to have been either the bravest or stupidest thing he had ever done—and he'd done a lot of stupid shit. A piece of driftwood bumped into Nikolai's shin. It wasn't very big or sharp, but it would have to do. Nikolai picked it up and sliced it into the kelpie's flank to get its attention with a grunt.

It worked a little too well.

The kelpie reared its head, dead, black eyes meeting Nikolai's. Its mouth was slick with the girl's blood, and it reeked of death. He didn't even have time to wrinkle his nose because the kelpie lunged at Nikolai, jaws opening wide with those surprisingly sharp teeth. He tried backing away, but the kelpie was faster. Its teeth cut through his shirt and plunged deep into his skin. Nikolai groaned and kicked the kelpie off him. Blood drained from his shoulder, mixing with the girl's gore swirling in the whitecaps. Nikolai fell into the water, his peripherals turning dark and fuzzy as he fought to stay conscious again.

To his relief, the kelpie was spooked by clamoring from a ship nearing the shallows. Nikolai lifted his head, spotting his crew yelling at him. A weak smile upturned his lips as he rested his head back on the sand. Thank the Saints.

"Captain!" he heard Tamar shout through the sloshing of boots as she neared, wading through the swells. She stood over him and offered her hand to him. "Saints, man, you look like absolute shit."

Nikolai took Tamar's hand, pulling him to his feet. "Just the woman I wanted to see," he grumbled as he tried to stay standing. "How kind of you to finally show up."

"Don't be so dramatic. We went up and down the coast looking for you. I was beginning to think the sea finally got you," she replied, watching her brother and a former Corporalki—the Volkvolny's very own Healer—gather around the half-dead girl. Something seemed to be wrong with the girl.

Nikolai clenched his jaw and scrunched his eyebrows together as he stumbled toward the three in the shallows. Dimitri, the Healer, looked up at his captain with concern written across his rugged features.

"What's the matter?" Nikolai asked.

"Her heartbeat is foreign," answered Tolya, his hands clasped together and hovered over the girl's chest. She isn't human, Captain."

It can't be easy, can it? Nikolai thought, placing his hands on his hips. "Can she be healed?"

"I don't know. I think she's fae," the Healer said, examining the stranger's wounds. They looked fatal.

"I wouldn't care if she's a damn dragon, Dimitri. We wouldn't be having this splendid conversation if it weren't for her," he responded a bit too harshly. In his defense, Nikolai was in immense pain from the kelpie bite on his shoulder.

"I've never healed a faerie before, sir," Dimitri managed.

"Obviously. Those are children's tales. Get her onto the ship as fast as possible. Tolya, keep her heart stable. I have questions for her," Nikolai ordered before turning to get into one of the rowboats to paddle back to the Volkvolny.

He decided to keep her in the brig of his ship just in case the girl really was fae. After all, kelpies proved to be real, and Nikolai had been—reluctantly—wrong before. So very wrong. Tamar had done her best to keep the bleeding on his shoulder to a minimum while Dimitri rested. Healing the stranger had done a good number on the poor boy.

After an hour or so, Dimitri finished healing his captain's shoulder. Nikolai was restless, as always, during the process. Though he'd set Tamar and Roksana—one of his Inferni—outside of the girl's cell, he was anxious to get down there and question his prisoner.

But only after a good, hot meal and perhaps a glass of wine.

Once he had done just that, Nikolai padded down the steps to the brig, finding Tamar sharpening her axes, and Roksana slumped against the iron bars of the captive's cell, picking at some dirt under her short fingernails. Roksana looked up at her captain and ruffled her short brown hair away from her face.

"Feeling better, Captain?" the Inferni asked. Nikolai didn't need to look at her to know that she was smiling by the way her raspy voice lightened.

"Much better, thank you very much," he replied, sitting on one of the crates across from the cell. Nikolai rolled his sleeves up to his elbows and rested his forearms on his thighs. "You think she's really a faerie, too?"

Roksana pursed her lips and glanced behind her. "Perhaps. I haven't gotten a good look at her."

"Scared, Solovyva?" Tamar teased with a final scrape on her ax.

Roksana made a face at the Shu girl. "No. She's just been asleep this whole time, and oh, I don't know, after fighting off a damn kelpie, I thought that she might appreciate the rest."

"She's only asleep because I've kept her that way," Tamar shot back.

"My point still stands," Roksana responded indignantly.

"The real question is if he thinks she's fae?" Tamar said, pointing at Nikolai. She looked up at him expectantly. "So, what say you? What if our miraculous prisoner is fae?"

Nikolai shrugged. "Then the rumors are true," he replied matter-of-factly. "The fae truly do exist beyond children's bedtime stories."

"She could be dangerous. Didn't your nannies warn you that the more beautiful the monster, the more vile?" Roksana questioned, furrowing her brows.

"Though," Tamar piped in before Nikolai could respond, "she did save your sorry, drowning ass."

"True. I was told a lot of stories growing up, but I didn't pay much attention to them. Not enough adventure or sword-fighting and too much fantastical fear mongering for my taste," he answered casually. Nikolai shrugged again. "Like I said, bedtime stories. Besides, she could be a Tidemaker for all we know."

"I don't know. Dimitri seemed pretty spooked after he finished healing the girl," Tamar jested, nudging Roksana's boot with her own playfully.

The prisoner stirred awake in her cell, peeling her scarred body off the sad excuse of a cot in the corner. Roksana glanced behind her and moved away from the bars, closer to where Nikolai sat, wary of the girl. The captive pushed herself to a sitting position, groaning and wincing as her joints popped and clicked in protest. She slowly blinked her eyes as if she was trying to focus her vision. Finally, the girl pushed a strand of messy, damp brown hair behind her slightly pointed ear.

Roksana kicked Tamar childishly. "Bitch, I told you. You owe me fifty coin."

Tamar pretended to be offended and kicked the Inferni back, which startled the prisoner.

Nikolai returned the faerie's gaze easily, his eyes studying her carefully. She was an incredibly beautiful thing, Nikolai was forced to admit. Her delicate facial features were almost too perfect to bear; her tanned skin was unmarred (save for the injuries she had sustained in her fight with the kelpie), and her body was slender but muscular, especially her strong thighs.

And that anchor pendant. It seemed so out of place.

The faerie caught him gawking and furrowed her brows. Those eyes—were they hazel or green?—traced every part of Nikolai's being as if she were trying to find out all his secrets. Or maybe she was just trying to remember if she recognized him from the beach. Either way, under her gaze, Nikolai felt naked.

"Well, that was quite the experience, wasn't it, darling?" Nikolai smirked, forcing himself not to waver under her harsh stare, instead replacing it with his usual carefree, charming demeanor.

"Why am I in a cage?" she asked, giving him a pointed look. Her voice was rough from the amount of seawater she’d likely swallowed, and she stayed in her corner on the cot, bones aching.

"It's just a safety precaution, gorgeous. Nothing personal. I've been taught that the likes of you are rather dangerous," he said, standing up and approaching the iron bars of her enclosure. He leaned against them as if to mock her and say, ‘Come closer—see if I care.’

"The likes of me?" the girl echoed, raising her eyebrows. "Why would I hurt you? I'm the reason you're still alive."

Nikolai shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest. "One can never be too careful."

Her dark eyebrows furrowed, scrutinizing him again. She didn't seem to be a fan of the pet names. Then, she leaned back against the hull of the ship and exhaled sharply.

"Well then, if you're going to kill me, just get it over with," the girl answered.

Nikolai chuckled, leaning even closer to her cell. "You're the first woman who's asked me to kill, how charming." He gave a sharp whistle, getting the Grisha women's attention. "Tamar, Roksie, leave us for a moment, will you?"

The girls in question exchanged a look between themselves but said nothing. Nikolai waited for them to disappear at the top of the stairs before speaking again.

"Why did you save me?" he asked.

"No one should ever have to die by drowning, or worse, a kelpie, even if you're Ravkan and a pirate," the girl rasped, then broke into another coughing fit.

"Privateer," he corrected her. "There's a difference. Was that the only reason? Preventing a gruesome demise?"

She rolled her eyes at the correction. "That's the only reason. What were you expecting?"

"I'm not sure," Nikolai replied honestly. "You know how our people are. Ravka has a certain... reputation among the fae, and I've been taught that there's always some ulterior motive with your kind." Nikolai's eyes swept her again, taking in the cuts and slashes on her skin, her weak movements, her chapped lips. "You don't look so well. Are you thirsty, by chance?"

"Do not mock me," the girl said hoarsely, shaking her head weakly. "And do not pretend to care about my well-being when you have me in a damn cage, for Saints' sake."

Nikolai raised an eyebrow. He could understand why the faerie was so wary of him. She must have been terrified and in shock after the attack. Or perhaps this was just how she was.

"Why would I lie?" He paused before speaking again. She was a tough one to crack, and it was irritating Nikolai. "Have many people told you that you have a delightful personality?"

"Have many people told you that you're utterly insufferable?" she snapped back.

Nikolai smirked, his lips curving in a half-smile. "Oh, many, trust me, but they usually tell that to my face. They have a lot more to say, most of this less flattering. You, on the other hand, haven't called me a 'stuck up Ravkan prick' or tried to punch my pretty face," he quipped back, resting his forearms on the iron bars of her cage.

She didn't respond right away, thinking, judging him. "I don't think you're stuck-up, but I do think you're a prick. I don't want to punch you; I would rather strangle you."

Nikolai laughed heartily, tossing his head back and pushing off the cell bars. "Please, darling, at least take me to dinner first."

The girl frowned more if that was even possible. Nikolai only grinned, knowing he was getting on her nerves. Like most people, the faerie seemed to want him to shut up, but that definitely wasn't going to be happening anytime soon. Not if Nikolai had any say about it.

"Who are you?" the girl asked, narrowing her eyes at him. Or perhaps that was the natural state of her face. Her lips twisted into a scowl, eyes cold as winter, and her chin tilted up defiantly. She would make a good fighter.

Nikolai let the question hang in the air for a moment before answering. He could practically see the impatience brimming behind her eyes, which made his lips twitch into the faintest hint of a smile.

"Does it really matter?" he finally said, leaning against the bars of her cage once more. "You've already made up your mind about me, haven't you? The Ravkan prick with an ego the size of The Fold itself?"

"I'd like to know who my captor is," the girl replied plainly.

"I've been told I'm a vexation," he responded vaguely.

"That wasn't what I asked," she snapped, standing up from the cot and nearing the bars.

Almost unconsciously, Nikolai moved away from the cell. Coward, he mentally cursed himself.

"Sure, it is," he said, his eyes widening slightly as she gripped the iron bars.

In the stories, it was written that the heavy metal burned fae skin, but this faerie's skin was seemingly unaffected. Or she had an incredible tolerance for pain.

The girl must have noticed his awestruck gaze. "Impossible that iron doesn't hurt me?"

Nikolai's lips pursed, and he shook his head. "Improbable."

"Answer my question."

"I did," he insisted.

"Fine. What's your name?" the girl pressed harshly.

"Most call me Sturmhond."

The faerie scoffed, one corner of her lips curling up into a supercilious half-smile. "No, it's not. I'm not calling you that."

Nikolai smirked and shrugged, daring to near the cell again. She could easily reach out, grab him by his collar, and gouge his eyes out with her lovely fingers. But the faerie had already shown that she knew mercy by not feeding him to the kelpie on the beach and sacrificing herself instead. With that knowledge, Nikolai knew he could safely push his limits.

"I've also been known to answer to 'sweetheart' or 'handsome.'" He flashed her a broad grin.

"In your dreams," the faerie spat with another scoff.

"Oh, I do look forward to it," Nikolai quipped. He paused before speaking again as she turned her back on him and walked away. "What name shall I call out, then?

The faerie stopped in her tracks as if she were thinking over what to answer him. She looked over her shoulder. "Maeve."

"I don't suppose that's not your real name, is it?" Nikolai didn't expect her to be truthful with him. After all, the fae was said to be deceitful by nature, and his alias was very obviously just that—an alias.

"Is Sturmhond your real name?" the girl, allegedly called Maeve, asked, turning fully around.

"Maybe."

"Are you always this vague?" she questioned, raising an eyebrow at him and placing her hands on her hips.

"Are you always this argumentative?" Nikolai shot back.

The girl tilted her head and pressed her lips together in a tight line. "Yes, actually."

Her beautiful eyes drew away from Nikolai as she was weighing her options. What those were seemed scarce, so he gave her some. Although he was wary of her—albeit—the faerie could be of some use, maybe even be a good fighter.

"Well then, Maeve, now that we're acquainted," Nikolai began casually, "you have a choice."

'Maeve' scrunched her eyebrows, looking back up at him. "You're giving me a choice?"

"Naturally. I'm offering to keep you on the ship with my crew, find you someplace where your skills could be of some use, and of course, food and shelter. Or, you are welcome to leave when we port next," Nikolai proposed transparently.

She looked suspicious. "That's it?"

Nikolai nodded. Ever distrustful, he thought.

"Where do you port next?" the faerie asked, nearing the bars. This time, Nikolai stayed rooted in his spot.

"Ketterdam. We should be there in four days time," he answered. Nikolai searched her freckled face. "Think about it. In the meantime, if you can behave yourself, I might let you out of this cell, so you don't have to sleep on that dreadful cot."

With that, Nikolai smirked and turned on his heel to jog up the steps to the main deck.

[soraviie]

you intimidate them.txt

━ type: bts x f! reader ━ navigation

━ about: fluff?, heavy crack, stupidest thing I've written no it's a lie I did write my university thesis, so the second most stupid thing ━ pictures taken from Pinterest

━ previously posted on soraviii

NAMJOON: "Dude, will you stop sweating?" Yoongi asks with a distinct frown and resentment laced in his tone. In his defence, elevators were not known as being the most spacious and well-ventilated places, as well as the fact that by all biological assumptions Namjoon must be sweating spinal fluid. The man was part liquid right now.

"It's not something I can control," he growls back and pounds the handkerchief against his forehead like a machine gun.

"Maybe she's forgotten all about it," Jimin, an ever-helpful angel, pipes up from his corner of the elevator simultaneously trying to maintain as much distance as possible. "It happened a year ago."

"I doubt-" the doors open to your face and Namjoon swears his soul rips through his throat as he sweats in mute stroke-ridden silence. There you stood and from the fiery look in your eyes that promises him nothing but a lifetime of misery and suffering, he knows the small, minuscule tiny incident has not wandered off your mind.

"Hello, Miss ____________," Yoongi bids quietly and politely, brushing past as well as Jimin who offers a cheery wave. Your face lightens momentarily only to drop into a deeper frown once settled upon him. It doesn't help his nerves at all that Jin and Jungkook were in the absolute trenches fighting for their breath on the side, with tears in their eyes, doubled over in laughter.

"Would you like to step outside the elevator?" you ask him coldly and he flinches, shrivelling smaller.

"No," he audibly squeaks and Jungkook is rolling on the floor.

"Please, step outside the elevator so we could get started," you order and he waddles away from the safety of the metal box.

"I'm sure this year will be uh...more peaceful," Hoseok interjects, the mediator of all things.

"You mean, we don't want anyone here managing to break my glasses, burning my hand by dumping hot coffee all over it and then. Losing. My. Passport."

Namjoon now shrunken down to 2cm in size was counting the threads in the carpet. 2803, he counts, 2804.

Hoseok tosses an uneasy side glance to a remaining ectoplasm of his friend spinning somewhere around the globe.

"Yeah."

"Of course," you smile and Namjoon nearly begins to cry from fear. It's so terrifying and murderous that he doesn't even know how to breathe. "That would be greatly preferable. God knows what would someone do," your eyes glint as you nail the final coffin in Namjoon's grave. "If subjected to it again."

YOONGI: The day is busy and your hands are shaking and everything's so hectic that when you bring the many folders of who should be wearing what on which day of the show, they fall from your hands and spill all across the floor page by one page. Which is not that bad but then-

A laugh.

A highly amused laugh.

Sort of noiseless and accompanied by many shoulder wags.

You turn to glance back, counting the years that will be spent in a jail cell, and find Min Yoongi having eyes the size of saucers even though the rest of the face is unreadable.

And instead of apologizing or even helping he, in an oddly pitched tone, only responds with:

"Funny."

Then folds in on himself and mutters something that vaguely sounds like a:

"You fucking idiot."

You can't kill him you think. It'll call for execution at the very least. So you politely and subtly flip him the bird and walk away.

An entire year is lived without this heinous man's presence and now he's in front of you once more and he's laughing. Every time his gaze lands on you he begins to smile.

Because your very existence must be a joke to him so once again you politely flip him the bird and exit the room.

"My dude, stop laughing at the girl you're crushing on!" Hoseok threatens into his ears and while still battling the smile, Yoongi hisses back.

"I'm not laughing at her! I can't stop smiling whenever I see her face. I'm telling you she's a witch."

"The only thing magical is the speed with which you get a boner for her," Namjoon adds to the flame with the most neutral, UN-ready expression faced towards the camera.

"You think she'll ever talk to me?" he asks, wilting in discontent.

"Nah she hates you."

"Spit in your drink is what she'll do."

Hoseok and Namjoon look rather proud of themselves.

It's shortly before going on stage that Yoongi, adrenaline-fueled, bumps you with his hip and says with a wink.

"Wish me luck, our brave stylist."

"Break a leg," monotonously, you reply.

He sweats.

"Like for good luck you mean."

"Yeah," you narrow your eyes. "That's what I mean."

He swallows in fright and scurries away as fast as he's capable.

"I'm telling you she's a witch!" he yells in pain while being carded to an ambulance.

"Yoongi, you slipped because the stage was wet and twisted an ankle," Namjoon reiterates, tired, struggling, contemplating whether or not he should sit himself into this very ambulance.

"No, she definitely cursed me!" he argues.

"Why would you call a girl you like a witch?" Taehyung innocently wonders and Yoongi sighs with all the world's age.

"Isn't all love witchcraft?"

JIN: "I'm not going there alone."

"You're thirty! You're an adult, thirty years old male!"

"So, either you hold my hand as I go or I'm not going there at all."

"You're about to enlist!"

"Trust me, I'd much rather enlist right fucking now than go to," he shudders. "Her."

Namjoon sighs.

"I'm not holding your hand to go to the accounting."

Jin turns, hopeful, but everyone is conveniently averting their eyes. Taehyung has pressed his face against the window. Jimin was staring at the ceiling whilst Jungkook seemed to have resigned from his body entirely.

"Cowards, the lot of you."

Jin knows for 100% that the hallway to Hell itself, as he calls it, is haunted. He can see his breath in the air, and hear the laments of the dead. It's here that all souls come to die.

He chickens out several times but knows this is urgent and so swallowing his own skin, he timidly knocks on the door.

"Come in," comes the omnipresent voice and he shivers.

"Mr Kim Seokjin," you greet him cooly bringing down a stamp like an axe upon a head.

Playing with his fingers, he squeaks:

"Want to hear a joke?"

"No."

He swallows.

"I forgot it anyway."

"How clever of you."

There's a deep, pregnant pause in which he calculates the possibility of jumping out the window and surviving.

0. Chances are 0.

"We uh...need more...money for...the sunglasses...I uh...broke some."

"Is that all?"

"ʸᵉˢ."

"I'll arrange it."

"ᵗʰᵃⁿᵏ ʸᵒᵘ."

"Are you bowing?"

"ᴺᵒ, ᵗʰᶦˢ ᶦˢ ��ᵒʷ ᴵ ʷᵃˡᵏ"

"Just go."

He pushes the door open with his ass and takes off running.

HOSEOK: "It's just one woman. Just go talk to her if you find her interesting."

"She'll eat me!"

"She won't eat you!"

Another man approaches. You assess him like a Black Widow might assess a male too brave.

"Hello, I was admiring you from the distance and may I just say, I'll do anything to buy you a drink."

"Anything?" you ask with a smile and being a sleazy male he falls head first into a trap.

"Yes, anything," he nods, eagerly thinking you were an easy lay.

"Rip your liver out" you order that smile staying intact.

"What?" he blanches, laughing awkwardly.

"You said you'll do anything. So rip your liver out."

"Why would you need my liver?" the man asks, sweat rolling down his neck as he sees your aura of terror grow bolder, enveloping him whole.

"I'll eat it," your smile widens. "Why else?"

The man, just having promised his all, takes over the hills and you tut after him.

"Love is so damn fickle."

Yoongi, dragged along for the emotional support, pulls a breath through his teeth.

"So, she could eat you. Hoseok, how can a scaredy cat such as yourself like such terrifying women?"

"I don't know, just keep covering me! Though there's not a lot of you to cover."

Yoongi grimaces and cruelly leaves his friend to defend himself on his own in the wilderness. As you glance at the sound of someone whimpering you stumble upon a beautiful man whose eyes tell he was definitely shitting himself.

"Hello?" you wave at him and he screeches in fright.

JIMIN: "He's lost his mind," Jin gasps behind the couch.

"He's suicidal," Namjoon assesses also behind the couch.

"He's an idiot," Taehyung, the best friend, concluded calmly whilst scrolling through the phone.

Jimin with the determination of a wide-eyed duckling and romance of a prince, approaches the working, hunched figure, sweating and terrified but otherwise optimistic.

Heavy metal music streams in his direction but he has his eyes set.

He taps on her shoulder, smiles and then -

Deflates.

Says nothing.

Sweats.

In silence.

"There was a sign," you growl at him pointing the paintbrush at the stand nearby.

STAY AWAY! DO NOT COME CLOSER! LEAVE!

Jimin gathering all his wits, replies brightly:

"I can't read!"

"Yeah, I figured."

He swallows. You should not be this scary. But you are.

"I just wanted to ask maybe you need help? You've been working on our MV mural for a long time."

"I don't need your help."

"But do you want it?"

Your eyes narrow.

"Also no. Leave."

Head hung low he toddles away.

It's night already when Jimin leaves the studio and there's only one light streaming in the entire building - the projector illuminating the mural.

"Please, go home, you've been working for like 24 hours," he pipes up gently, partially tucking himself away in the dark.

"I can't," you reply, tired and worn out. "If I don't finish this today, I'll be a disappointment."

That feeling Jimin knew like no one else.

"Your health should be the first priority. Go rest. You won't be a disappointment, I promise."

The paintbrush clatters on the ground. Your hands are too tired to hold it anymore.

"Guess so," resignedly, you sigh. Pulling yourself up with great difficulty, you cast the partially hidden man a harmless glare. "Do you have to be so kind? You make me feel like an asshole."

"You're a bit of an asshole," Jimin agrees, heart beating a thousand beats per nanosecond. "But I think you do it to push people away. And you push people away because you can get hurt easily. And you get hurt easily because you have a big heart. And that's the best quality one can have. So in the end you're a good person."

"Still, you're scared of me," you point out at his hands clutching the door like a lifeline.

"A little bit," he chuckles self-consciously. "But I'll get over it, don't worry."

TAEHYUNG: "Look, __________, there's BT-oh not again!"

You sit stony-faced staring down that annoying, chiselled figure once more.

"This is ridiculous! You can't glare at him every time you meet in these things!"

Sinking your nails into the countertop of the bar shoved to the side, you growl back, doubling down on the ired grimace.

"Fucking watch me! I'm not letting some rich asshole intimidate me!"

"Maybe he just has an RBF? One would think, you'd know, given how you have one as well."

"No, no, he's definitely mocking me. I don't care how handsome he is I'll tear this guy a new one if he even dares-"

"You've got anger issues up the kazoo," your friend sighs, resigned on the matter. "Most girls would be lucky to have Kim Taehyung staring at them."

"The only way to stare at me is in awe! And he's not doing that!"

"Not to mention the ego," your friend rolls her eyes, faintly wondering why the rest of the BTS was so avidly arguing.

"Taehyung! Is your head made of spinach?! She's not going to marry you because you keep staring at her!"

Without changing a single muscle of his expression, he keeps staring, sending you his thoughts across the audience. Your hand grabs the bottle and he can't discern whether you want to drink it or fling it at his head.

"She might," he argues back. "I'm Kim Taehyung. Observe the awe in my face."

The face in question couldn't be more neutral if he was gambling his entire life away in a poker.

"Weren't you afraid of her?" Yoongi inquires conversationally.

"That only makes me horny," he tosses out casually and Namjoon scowls in disgust.

"Jesus, just choke already."

JUNGKOOK: "Stop sitting so menacingly!"

"Straighten your spine!"

"Start smiling! Jesus, could you please smile for once!"

Their hazing makes your expression sour even more and the awkwardly lingering masked guy seems to physically wilt away.

Jin and Namjoon who walk into the gymnasium behind Jungkook watch the situation almost bored.

"Oh, look there's that emo coordinator he's crushing on," Jin points out.

"Yeah, they're cute. If he ever gets the balls to talk to her or at least breathe at her, they can hop around like two crows," Namjoon admits.

"That depends how much play Jungkook can pull off."

"So zero?" Namjoon arches an eyebrow and they leave the youngest one to fend for himself. At last, Jungkook springs when your friends finally leave and he's not stared at by the other four girls like some sort of biological experiment.

He opens his mouth.

"You look like a steamed bun."

Then nods, quickly turns around and walks into a wall.

"Yeah, that ship won't sail anytime soon," Jin laments getting ready for practice.

After several more run-ins and mishaps, everyone is allowed to go home as you leave you cross glances with Jungkook who appears to...vibrate.

"You did well," you praise, tossing a bag over your shoulder and he breathes a near inaudible "thanks". The rest of them observe the interaction with some small amount of pride. Just look at him go!

"She said I did well!" he whispers to Jimin.

"Congratulations. Did you just cream your pants because of fear or joy?" he asks his friend shamelessly but Jungkook is too far out of it to care.

"Dunno. Don't care actually."

© soraviii/soraviie 2022

[ellaak]

SEVENTEEN RECOMMENDATION LIST

✉~Smau ✏~Written Series 🃁~Oneshot ☆~Headcanon ♡~Fluff ☔︎︎~Angst ☊~Crack ⌧~MDNI

Last Updated : July 24th 2024

CHOI SEUNGCHEOL Nothing Here Yet...

YOON JEONGHAN The Unoriginal Villain Origin Story 🃁 ~ ♡ ~ ☊ @twogyuu Miscommunication is a powerful plot weapon fr. This fic is good Daisies 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @viastro I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THIS EMOTIONAL FIC, MINJI IS EVIL Fake It Till You Make It 🃁 ~ ♡ @bitterie-sweetie THE FACT THAT THEY HAD EVERYONE FOOLED FOR YEARS Just One Day 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @wonwoonlight STOP THIS WAS SO CUTE AND SAD. I Would 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @writer-k-pop HE IS STANDERD. THE WAY HE TOLD THE HOST OFF The Breakup Soup 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @hannie-dul-set I DID NOT EXPECT THE ENDING AT ALL AFTER EVERYTHING. GENUINELY ONE OF THE BEST JEONGHAN FICS I'VE READ Anything But 🃁 ~ ♡ @yoongiseesawmp3 THIS WAS SO CUTE, JEONGHAN SETTING THE BAR SO HIGH

JOSHUA HONG My Favorite Person 🃁 ~ ♡ @babyleostuff This fic giving me advice too

WEN JUNHUI HOME 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @hazz-a-bear BREAKING MY HEART IN TWO. JUN :((

KWON SOONYOUNG Caller #17 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @beomcoups THE ENDING HAD MY FIST IT MY MOUTH WITH TEARS STEAMING ON MY FACE

JEON WONWOO Nothing Here Yet...

LEE JIHOON Nothing Here Yet...

LEE SEOKMIN Nothing Here Yet...

KIM MINGYU When I Kissed The Teacher 🃁 ~ ♡ ~ ☊ @highvern THIS WAS SO SWEET THE WAY ARIN AND HANA TRIED SO HARD TO PLAY THE MATCHMAKERS

XU MINGHAO The Letter 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @toruro This is definitely a must read Blocked Contacts 🃁 ~ ♡ @jae-bummer Annoying exs Painting 🃁 ~ ♡ @rubywonu Who says you can't find love in museums His Portrait 🃁 ~ ♡ @ahlovelightaflame Getting caught was embarrassing but at least we got something

BOO SEUNGKWAN You Say The Stupidest (Sweetest) Things 🃁 ~ ♡ @savventeen The concept was so cute When I Grow Up 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @wooahaes THE WAY THEY MET HAS ME GUSHING Mission Possible 🃁 ~ ♡ @thepixelelf Sujeong was the op this whole fic The First Step 🃁 ~ ♡ @bluehoodiewoozi SEUNGKWAN WAS SUCH A SWEETHEART

CHWE HANSOL Work Husband 🃁 ~ ♡ ~ ☊ @wondernus The ending was so silly

LEE CHAN Love Guard 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @tqmies Chan being an accidental asshole on their first meet but was actually smitten was so cute Scored! 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @leejungchans By the end I was giggling so hard like a schoolgirl 08:23am 🃁 ~ ♡ @wheeboo THIS WAS SO CUTE (It's something I would def do) PANG! ✉ ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @kkumawrites HIS GF WAS A HOE SINCE DAY 1 FR

OT13 seventeen and how they would launch their relationship with idol!you ☆ ~ ♡ @hrts4hanniehae Fun to read Together 🃁 ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ @wooahaes This was so sweet, crying at the end REDAMANCY ✉ ~ ☔︎︎ ~ ♡ - Minghao & Junhui @escapewriter I knew there was something off about [Redacted] since the beginning Svt At Your Christmas Party ☆ ~ ♡ ~ ☊ @alsktudy Silly Holiday Specials

[lunapwrites]

Ok one more political post and then I'm done today promise.

...or at least until the next horror occurs.

Anyway, point is, in a few hours I get to hop on a zoom call with my boss and co-workers. As recently as last week, these men were all trying to pooh-pooh the idea of more tariffs on China, saying that it was all posturing, and that tariffs on Canada would be a good thing, actually, because it would make our product more competitive domestically.

I have mentioned before that I work in international logistics, and I do. In the lumber industry. I've been telling them since before the election that if Trump got reelected, they should absolutely brace for more tariffs, because he was going to put them in place in the stupidest way possible. I even nailed the increase on China (I've been giving them +10% in addition to current.)

Now, my point in saying all of this is that you all have no idea how unstable the lumber market is right now. Demand is currently sitting somewhere in hell - no one can afford to buy material at the prices they are before the tariffs kick in. As much as His Majesty likes to claim we have all the wood we need, we don't. The bulk of our supply is imported. And that's not even taking into account that different wood is used for different purposes.

The wood that we tend to have the most of on the east coast is Southern Yellow Pine - this is what's usually used for treated lumber. We also have some hardwoods like Locust, Poplar, Maple, and Oak, but these forests are over harvested and so are in limited quantity. They are usually mixed together for building needs. Spruce, Hemlock (and the rare Cedar), likewise, are present but not to the degree we'd need to supply an entire industry - we get most of our Spruce from Canada. And again, this is all for building-grade, which allows for some defects. Furniture-grade does not.

On the west coast we have Western Red Cedar, which is the gold standard for high quality building material and largely what my company deals in. But most of the companies that we order from are based in Canada, where the bulk of the supply is. American domestic supply is almost entirely controlled by a single company. This company also owns most of the mills used to process the lumber and many of the largest wholesalers and installers. I'm also like 90% sure they've got a lock on the big box retailers like Home Depot, Lowe's, Menards, etc. Point is, there's an effective monopoly on domestic Western Red, and they've been setting the market price for a few years now. When the rest of the holdouts can no longer compete by going to Canada, this effective monopoly will likely become a monopoly in full - if they aren't owned by this company, they're supplied by them.

The only other option that we really have is something that I've been hearing some murmuring about for a few months now: Redwood. It has a lot of similar properties to Western Red Cedar, and has historically only been something you'd find in California, so the forestry practices were... about as sustainable as I think you could manage. But if this becomes the defacto replacement fiber that we need to lean on... I don't think that's going to bode well for California in the long term.

And none of this is taking into account pressure on the domestic shipping industry, which was already on the verge of collapse. Prices are absolutely going to skyrocket. I can also see them getting rid of the rule where truckers can only legally drive for so many hours a day to combat this - this will be popular among the truckers, and may reduce some pricing initially, but the reason that law exists is because the truckers would just drive themselves into exhaustion for a few extra jobs, and then wind up making poor driving decisions, causing accidents, etc. The law was written in blood.

Anyway all of this to say shit's fucked worse than you know and I'm waiting to see how long my small family owned company manages to survive.

**I specifically work in the fencing/decking industry, so if you work in another building products area or if you just know a fuck ton about North American arborvitae and your experience on this differs, happy to be corrected or added to!

[spider-stark]

Just saw leaks from an insider in the writers room for s3 for stuff that condal and Hess are throwing around… let’s just say our beautiful cregan stark will likely be ruined done so dirty I’m rly about to just stop watching this show bc there is no way ppl can keep doing this like not to be a book purist but what was the point of the books. And even so should characters no be written consistently regardless am I the crazy one

Can we start hotd filming from the beginning and do this ourselves im so serious

I have... so many things... to say about this...

for the sake of keeping it simple: I will not be thrilled if any of these turn out to be facts.

I've seen a few people throw around the "Daeron is gonna be a bastard" thing and while I do think that would be funny, it's also not possible?? not unless we're going to reveal that a person doesn't need Targ blood to be a dragon rider, that is---which, if they were going to do that then fine, but I don't think Daeron is the best character for that storyline.

and then Cregan....

to say Cregan's promise ends when Jace dies would be absolute bullshit in every way. honor and loyalty are quite literally the foundation of House Stark. it would be the stupidest thing they've ever done (which, honestly, I wouldn't be that surprised by. hbo has a habit of doing stupid things).

ugh. idk. there are too many things to say about all of these and it makes my head hurt.

agreed that fans just need to redo the show at this point. get some fanfic writers in a room with GRRM and this show would come out on fucking top---especially because the actors are already incredible, and sometimes the writing is amazing, too.

I understand things need to be cut and changed for television at times---but most of these changes are just unnecessary, harmful to the overall plot, and just plain ridiculous.

[ferdieinceladoncity]

I have two million circling thoughts about 'milagro' and no confidence that I can get them out of my head, but it was so intensely interesting I feel like I have to try.

First of all, the most "this was quite obviously written by a man with little to no care or understanding of Not being a man" episode that I have seen so far. To the point that it smacks me over the head. No woman would act like this: you would run, so so far, the second a guy like that entered an elevator with you.

The scene in the church is incredible in terms of how it was acted. The resigned realisation of "god, he's that kind of creep. That's the kind of man he is. He's infatuated with me." the way she starts to cry, overwhelmed with the emotion of it all- the fear, knowing she's in very real danger. It hit me right in the gut.

I do understand what they were aiming with in terms of her character and her infatuation with Padgett. It's not news that Scully is a little bit fucked in the head (as kind as I can put it) and morbid curiosity drew her to his apartment (and, putting her possibly in the running for Stupidest Person ever, self destructive tendencies or not, drinks something he makes her) but the whole scene is almost *too* much. Like. Scully. You cannot be doing this. Possibly the actual scariest/most infuriating scene in the x-files that I've seen.

Then again, I keep yelling that there's no way any woman would be foolish enough to act like this, but she's not a very normal woman. Sorry, it's true. She runs headfirst into these moments of possible self-destruction stemming from her own severe insecurities over whatever her relationship is with Mulder, the circumstances and uncertainty and longevity of which would probably drive *me* a little crazy, especially off the tail end of all the drama of season 6, Diana and all that. I'll do this, I'll get myself into this awful situation, and maybe you'll have something to say about it.

To that end, I'm at odds with wether this is really so 'out of character' or not. I hate to see it. But it makes sense. We can't all be perfect and we certainly can't all make good choices.

Mulder in this episode (because I feel like I should dedicate a paragraph to him even though he's not front and centre) disappoints me a bit. I have at this point read a lot of other reviews of this episode on Tumblr and reddit and heard people praise how "protective" he was, "jealous" was a word used, and generally a lot of focus on the shippiness of this episode, to which I can't agree. He infuriated me just a little. I appreciate that he was down to slap Padgett in the cell and I appreciate that he went to the effort of stealing letters to find his name and all, yet when Scully first talks to him about Padgett after the church scene, telling him he's the one who gave her the milagro and he was frightening, all he has to ask is "do you think he's the killer?" not "are you okay" or anything of the sort. Yes, I know Scully's not the kind of person to really appreciate that. She can hold her own, or she'd like him to think so. Still. From *my* perspective, and this is *my* write-up, and *my* Tumblr blog. And I think it's a bothersome thing to say. Also, I roll my eyes at mulder referring to sex as "the naked pretzel." What's with this guy and censoring himself like he's writing a tiktok comment? Actually, between this and "the wild thing" back in genderbender, maybe he just has some crazy hang-up about referring to scully having a sexual encounter (real or imagined) in a serious context. Interesting.

...That paragraph ended up being longer than my other ones. Loss for feminism on the post that I specifically started because I was fuelled by feminism.

"Agent Scully is already in love" should be for all the world a gleeful revelation and I was quite excited to see it, as I'd heard about this scene long before (MSR gifsets was what drew me here in the first place. I'm shallow like that.) But scully has been so kicked around this episode, stripped of privacy and dignity in every sense and this has been exposed to Mulder and everybody else, that it only makes me sad, because I do wish that Padgett would stop talking to her completely and stop getting around in her head like this.

The end scene just kills me, where the killer breaks in and grabs at her heart. She claws at Mulder's back when he embraces her with such fierce desperation and what I can only assume is a very, very deep well of regret. She doesn't shy away from him caring for her: she needs it.

[era404-skib]

A Bit Disappointed with the Latest Episode

I feel like it was, in the nicest way possible, badly written. It feels all OOOOH SHITTTT when you first watch it but you realise the obvious "Wait, the fuck is this" moments after a bit of time to ruminate.

-○ Inconsistencies ○-

What. Has. Happened?! The Titans were fast and quick to fight previously, and they knew what they were doing, but now they don't??? That yellow-green energy ball that knocked TTV down? He could've batted it away with his sword right back to where it came from the same as how TCam later bats away the purple-yellow energy with the entrapper arm.

Then TTV lunges for him midair. Dont??? You can lunge from behind or teleport your hands onto him??? Cut off his jetpack like you are actually smart instead of leaving it to TSpeaker later??? I don't this this is TTVs fault either, it was just written poorly.

Titan Speaker and Camera fight pretty greatly except for when the muscle mutant appears on his shoulder. Keep blasting and just take him off and crush him in your hand! The mutant is about the size of a Strider Toilet and in the VERY FIRST EPISODE that TCam debuted in he picks up a strider and crushes it with ease. Can't be much different here.

"WAIT!!! YOU NEED ME!!!!!" should've said that shit EARLIER before you were fried and stripped of your upgrades. A big toilet that can ram and shoot slow energy balls is of no use against the astros. Cringed hard at that

TTV is well able to core beam down the flying toilets with the cargo but not obliterate GT like he did to the Scientist??? The fuck??? DFB this needs improvement

I know this is very nitpicky but I didn't like TTV's face at the end. Should be a >:( or even a D:< in the VCR font but nope.

-○ Powerscaling ○-

The Titans, as previously pointed out, are much slower compared to the previous few episodes. What's more, it just seems to a constant "Oh, my new guy is better" between the sides, except the Alliance hasn't been getting any improvement since TTVs return. Oh, now there's a secret agent which Fucking Gets your 2 Elites. You can't hurt him btw. Oh, now theres an overpowered Astro Toilet which can launch a titan that's caught in the mere blast radius. You can't hurt him btw. Oh, now GT is an indestructible hunk of meat that can be given the beating of a lifetime but still severely damages your titans and doesnt die. You can't hurt him btw. Ridiculous.

The jetpack he pulled out of his ass is the stupidest thing I've ever seen in the series. What the fuck??? This is like when kids play with eachother as their OC's and "Oh, you're about to kill mine, but it has a sudden get out of jail free card and there's nothing you can do". Fuck off. If more of this shit gets pulled the series is gonna jump the shark.

At this rate I think DFB is setting it up so that it's Secret Agent vs Astros vs Skibidis. Unless he gives us a new overpowered race or something, and j don't even want that. Have it be a fair but tough fight between them all.

[wings-of-angels]

Actually just re: the original post that triggered our conversation, seriously fuck whatever that acting coach Carrie BS is it's possibly the stupidest thing I've seen and I've read Miller's politics. I hate the design like how did they manage to make her look like the straightest millenial when Frank Miller of all people made the most queer looking character not written by Chuck Dixon ever???

GENUINELLY SJDJDJDK who the hell looked at this gender non-conforming YOUNG TEEN and make her out to be a preppy millenial girlypop 😭 they fucked up her character design so bad

[pikaflute]

Since it's the last day of the year here's every fic I wrote in 2024 in one thread for your viewing entertainment

The Only One My Arms Will Ever Hold - 6k words - Flintball

Starting of 2024 with fluff of my crackship. Superball and Flint go skating. Superball is bad at it and needs someone to help him. Or hold him. Whatever works.

You're My Favorite Work Of Art - 5.8K - Freelance Husbands

My Valentines Day fic has Sam finding out Max likes being called pet names a little too much. Surely, Sam will not tease him over this. Much. Also, this is the only time I've written Sam and Max not suffering.

Don't Fuck It Up For You and Me - 3K - Freelance Husbands - TDP Spoilers

My fic written for Sam's birthday has Sam celebrating his 41st birthday and his first birthday without Max.

Good for You (Good For Me) - 6.5K - 🔞- Flintball - TDP Spoilers

The beginning of my true descent. Superball needs to relax during the events of 305. Flint has the stupidest solution possible. I was pissed this scene wasn't in the remaster btw.

Couldn't Escape If I Wanted To - 12K - Aokabu

Coming off the heels of the Pokemas event I was struck with middle aged opposites fever. Enjoy Larry trying to navigate his emotions and having a full on crisis about Kabu and his lesbian fujo coworker.

Rather Passionate Aren't You? - 5K - 🔞 - Aokabu

Not on archive but I wrote this small thing for Superball's birthday! It has flintball in it because I am predictable.

Larry is still having a crisis about Kabu but this time it's less about the gay feelings and more about whether or not they can have sex right now or else he'll explode.

Twilight Eternal - 8K - 🔞 - Adajima

My 50th fanfic on archive and it's with that guy I don't like. Adachi tries to have his cake and eat it too by fucking Dojima and not developing any feelings but you know. The demons took hold of him.

I Would Kill To Have Your Body - 7K - 🔞 - Adajima

Adachi and her boss go to her place for drinks. Shenanigans ensue when Adachi remembers that she left something out in her bathroom. I posted this on my birthday bc there's nothing I want more than yuri.

[uncivilcivilservice]

Strange Gifts

Armand/Daniel drabble, also featuring Louis and Lestat. Set on Night Island, sometime post-canon. Possibly the stupidest thing I've ever written.

“I've got a gift for you” Daniel announced as he turned the corner to where Louis and Armand were waiting.  

“What is it?” Armand said, eyes still glued to the screen of his iPhone, casting a light blue glow onto his face.  

“Lizard’s tail.”  

That got Armand’s attention, his phone was immediately pocketed, and ghostly white hands stretched out to take the gruesome token, which Daniel was tactfully pinching by the very tip of the scaly appendage.  

While Armand examined the object, turning it round in his hands, peering at the cross section of muscle and bone left where the tail had broken off from the frightened creature that dropped it, Louis looked between him and the bringer of the gift with an arched brow.  

“Where did you even find that?” Louis stepped closer to look over Armand’s shoulder as he bent the tail back and forth, testing it’s flexibility.  

“Just on the porch, I dunno if the storm earlier today had anything to do with it or if the lizard was just trying to escape something, but it seems fresh, must be from today.” 

The pair stood in silence watching Armand play with his new toy, now squeezing the tail near the base to see the effect on the flesh and bone as they grinded together under pressure.  

Daniel shook his head affectionately, looking back to Louis. 

“Where’s the big guy then? I know he likes to be fashionably late, but has anyone actually checked that he remembers he’s supposed to be coming with us tonight?”  

The four of them, Daniel, Armand, Louis and Lestat, had arrived at Night Island the day before, and were due to take a boat to the mainland to feed, and just explore Miami for a while.  

“I’m not Lestat’s keeper, phone him and tell him to hurry up.” 

Before Daniel could even reach to take his phone out his pocket, his eye was drawn back to Armand as he raised his hand and darted his head forward to lick at the blood oozing from the detached tail.  

“Armand, don’t do that!” Daniel barked a surprised laugh, making a futile grab for the gift he was starting to regret giving. Louis for his part simply sighed as he leaned against the glass railing, shaking his head as Armand’s face briefly screwed up in disgust, before returning to his trademark blank stare as he considered the tail, as though adding his observations to whatever analysis he was making of the fleshy specimen.  

“I take it you’re happy with the gift then?” Daniel asked, still laughing incredulously at Armand’s antics. 

Armand fixed Daniel with an intense, almost predatory stare. His grin, however, made it seem more like the look of a housecat hunting for sport, than any predator chasing down it’s meal out of hunger.  

“Very happy lover. Let me show you.” He leapt at Daniel, arm reaching to catch him by the back of the neck to pull him into a kiss.  

Had he still been a mortal Daniel would have had no chance at evading him, but even as young in the blood as he was, Daniel still managed to lean away just quickly enough that Armand couldn’t quite get the grip on him he needed to share a lizard-blood laced kiss with his fledgling.  

“Absolutely not” Daniel broke away and started running back down the veranda, his laugh echoing off the marble floors and glass wall. Armand didn’t make much of a chase however, not wanting to damage the delicate gift, he headed back inside to find a jar to preserve it in with alcohol and to investigate what was holding their Prince up for so long.  

With the tail safely stored in the kitchen for later, Armand walked back outside to find Louis looking out over the water, and Daniel on his phone, distracted.  

Walking up to his fledgling, Armand spoke in the softest voice he could manage; “Daniel?” 

Daniel made a small noise of acknowledgement before glancing up from his phone. He dropped his arm entirely as Armand ran his fingers up it, leaning up to close the distance between them until he met Daniel’s lips with his own.  

Daniel had leaned into the kiss for several moments before he remembered why he had been trying to avoid kissing Armand just minutes earlier. He pushed away from Armand, hand rushing to wipe at his mouth dramatically while Armand cackled in delight.  

“I am here! Are we ready to go?” Lestat bounded through the doorway with a grin, which faded as he looked upon the scene, where Louis, exasperated, but more amused than he would admit, was already walking ahead towards the private dock, leaving behind Armand who had laughed himself into tears, next to Daniel who was still putting on a commendable performance of disgust, with mutterings of “I can’t believe you did that” and “do we still have any mouthwash upstairs” even as he held back his own laughter.   

“What did I miss?” Lestat pouted at having been left out on a joke.  

“I brought Armand a gift and it backfired, now let's go, I need to find some piece-of-shit to wash my mouth out with.” Daniel draped an arm over a smug Armand, and together they headed to catch up with Louis.  

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

I'll take it a step farther. Feminism has absolutely ruined life for women. My husband walked out on us, left us without a car, without any income, without anyone to call for help, and bruised and battered. I went looking in the area for resources for abused women and children and you know what I found? A whole lot of "YAS QUEEN YOU CAN DO IT ALL BY YOUR LITTLE WOMANLY SELFY" attitude and jack squat as far as help. When I refused to turn my children over to the government to raise we got written off.

I'm working online to keep the bills paid and diapers bought but... we don't even qualify for child support because *I* don't make enough. (Which is the absolute stupidest thing I've ever heard.) He's allowed to get away with all of it. Scott-free. Because feminism and a "womyn can do!" attitude.

Screw feminism and screw the people who use domestic violence as a pet project and a grift.

I have to say I think you're the only person I've ever seen who would blame this exact situation on feminism and not some made up patriarchy. But yeah that's insane that you can't get child support from your deadbeat husband. Absolutely should not be allowed. I'm sorry this happened to you, and I hope you and your children get everything you need as soon as possible.